Life is indeed strange. Storms have always set me on edge yet I have chosen to stay home and face serious storms with some threatening, powerful tornadoes in order to avoid being in the presence of a new baby in the family. I have now also removed my sister from my fb page because even with her hidden, I occasionally catch a glimpse of her profile picture and don't want to see her pregnancy progress either.

A friend said something to me a couple of weeks ago that I have be running through my mind. I appreciate greatly her support, encouragement and kind words, but this in particular has really struck a chord. She said that perhaps I am not so much the one with the problem but rather everyone else who wants me to hurry up and be "well". Having never been in my shoes there is no way anyone else could fully comprehend or appreciate the pain and anger I am feeling. I do need to heal, but I am so tired of feeling like there are those who think I should hurry up and move on.

My child had a very brief life but will always be a part of me. Are new parents ever urged to hurry up and get over an event in their child's life and move on because there is a tomorrow? All I have of my C.J. are the 12 weeks that I carried him, followed by the time I carried his deceased body in mine and then the sad goodbye. My memories of him won't grow and progress. Why should I be encouraged to give up the only memory I have of him, the only time I was able to spend with him, and move on? I am moving on within my nuclear family as much as I can, and I feel comfortable interacting with them, but I am not ready to celebrate anyone else's joy of pregnancy or new life. I may be burning bridges or creating scars, but all I can do at this point is find the only way I can to survive. I don't feel that pouring salt on the wound is going to help me heal. If you are one of the ones that I have hurt, shut out, or reclused from please understand that life has not been kind to me as of late. It is nothing that you personally have done but I need to be separated for a time.