I am still very bitter and angry. The more I looked for answers in scripture the more questions came up and very few have been answered. It has caused me to question everything I ever believed! I still feel as though this is a very sick joke! I am still in no way interested in meeting or being near our newest nephew. The thought of hearing him, seeing him, or being in the same vicinity is very unnerving to me. Nor do I want to hear of his accomplishments or share in the progression of my sister's pregnancy - one which I was initially very excited about even before we knew of our own. Now I don't want to hear her news, see her pictures or follow through this joyous event with her. I cannot seem to get past how it is that I am supposed to rejoice that my child is in heaven and not having to suffer, yet all these other people are rejoicing that their babies are alive and thriving on this horrible planet! That seems like quite the double standard to me!!!!
I talked with the nurse today about questions I had regarding the Rho-Gam shot a little over a week ago. I have read that if this shot is not received within 72 hours of delivery and the body begins making antibodies, the shot will not kill the ones already present. NO ONE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO COME IN IMMEDIATELY TO HAVE THIS SHOT AFTER MISCARRYING!!!! I WAS NOT WARNED OF THE TROUBLES IT COULD CAUSE!!! I READ IT ON MY OWN! All they can do now is test me in another month or two to see if my body has created the antibodies. If it has then I have a 1:4 chance that my body would begin attacking any future children I might conceive. I MAY HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED OUT OF ANY MORE CHANCES TO HAVE CHILDREN. They may as well go ahead and steralize me if that is the case!!!! This was certainly not news I needed to hear. I didn't know whether I even wanted to try again, but this certainly doesn't make me feel any more comfortable about the new normal that I have. I seem to be screwed at every turn!!!
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