Today I introduced C.J. to my facebook world. Our precious son, too quickly taken. Because we know that life begins at conception, we know that we delivered a baby to be around 12 weeks of age on March 16th at 10:45 a.m. I debated as to whether or not to share some of his sweet pictures with the world. Part of me ached because these are the only baby pictures or any kind of pictures for that matter that I will ever have to brag on. I feared whether people might see me as odd, off, or deranged for sharing his sweet images, but what is there to be ashamed of in his precious developing life? I do not want to hide my son as if there was any sort of shame involved. No, my son's eyes never sparkled like those of a young child. I never got a picture of his tiny yawn, although we did admire his most delicate little lips and the tiniest tongue imaginable. For this I am certainly not ashamed. For those who might not understand, perhaps the answer is because they themselves have never been there. But we were so honored to be able to hold his fragile little body in our hands and say goodbye even though we were never blessed with the opportunity to hold his new young body so full of life. People encourage me to see beyond this and keep going, but I cannot...will not move on and leave C.J.'s memories behind. I will NOT put him in my past and continue on without him. I will not tuck away a child that part of society does not even recognize as a member of our family. He was and will forever be my fourth son and his memories regardless of how painful will always be a part of me and with me. Sleep in heavenly peace, C.J.
Today I introduced C.J. to my facebook world. Our precious son, too quickly taken. Because we know that life begins at conception, we know that we delivered a baby to be around 12 weeks of age on March 16th at 10:45 a.m. I debated as to whether or not to share some of his sweet pictures with the world. Part of me ached because these are the only baby pictures or any kind of pictures for that matter that I will ever have to brag on. I feared whether people might see me as odd, off, or deranged for sharing his sweet images, but what is there to be ashamed of in his precious developing life? I do not want to hide my son as if there was any sort of shame involved. No, my son's eyes never sparkled like those of a young child. I never got a picture of his tiny yawn, although we did admire his most delicate little lips and the tiniest tongue imaginable. For this I am certainly not ashamed. For those who might not understand, perhaps the answer is because they themselves have never been there. But we were so honored to be able to hold his fragile little body in our hands and say goodbye even though we were never blessed with the opportunity to hold his new young body so full of life. People encourage me to see beyond this and keep going, but I cannot...will not move on and leave C.J.'s memories behind. I will NOT put him in my past and continue on without him. I will not tuck away a child that part of society does not even recognize as a member of our family. He was and will forever be my fourth son and his memories regardless of how painful will always be a part of me and with me. Sleep in heavenly peace, C.J.
No comments:
Post a Comment